Grandma-Isms Part 1

Dec 15 - yesterday... my grandma woke up from her nap and said "a man just came to me in my sleep and gave me the number 188, i don't know what that means but we should buy a ticket" we did but unfortunately for my grandma 188 came out the night before!

Dec 10 - Grandma's quote of the day: "in order to be successful you need to get in (business) with a jew" ... fyi. we're not jewish. :)

Dec. 9 - Grandma's Quote of the Day: "You gotta grow old otherwise you die young"

Random Thoughts

1) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2) I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3) There is a great need for sarcasm font.

4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

8) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

9) Bad decisions make good stories

10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

11) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

13) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

15) I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

16) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with martinis than Kay.

Bonus Funnies:

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, government, healthcare, real estate prices, the stock market, the federal deficit, Iraq, Afghanistan, global warming, my savings, Social Security, credit card debt........I called the Suicide Hotline. ... I got a call center in Pakistan .....told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck

To Write Love On Her Arms Day

So today, this Friday the 13th, is To Write Love On Her Arms Day OR TWLOHA Day. I’ve been supporting this organization for 2 or 3 years now. TWLOHA is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. It’s close to my heart for two reasons. One being I’ve known people, myself included, and I think this organization really helps and understands. Second, I love helping people and feel this is a great way. I encourage everyone to write the word love on their arms, wrists, hand…anywhere. It helps those who suffer know that there are people out their who understand and supports them. If you want more information you can go to http://www.twloha.com.

Money Frustrations

Well I'm sure I'm not the only one who worries about money. But it just seems that lately, within the last 4 months, that's the only thing that seems to be on my mind. The main reason for this is because my inability to do certain things. Just like most people, student loans paid my way through college. To the point where I'm in debt close to 100,000. Alot huh? Because of this, and the other bills i have, I can't do the things I would love to do. I would love to surprise my old roommate from college. Go to a concert to see a band that I love. Even go out on the town during the night. However, I can't because of money issues. I know I shouldn't let it run my life but it is. I hate it. The only solution is to get a better paying job but in this economy I'm lucky I even have one. I just don't know what to do. I'm so frustrated and feel left out but at this time there's nothing i can do. But for now I must suck it up and do what I can. Hopefully one day money won't be the one running my life. I can hope right?

Underage Pressure

So I have a sister who is younger. She's 17 and at that age where hanging out with friends is life. Hanging out with these friends often means drinking and drugs. The drug part isn't the part i'm writing about, thank god. It's the drinking. Being older and of course over the legal age of drinking, she turns to me to be her outlet for drinks. This puts me in a small bind. Of course I was her age once and yes I admit I drank. But I never asked anyone to get me anything. I would be a hypocite to tell her not to drink since that's what I did when I was her age, but my morals get in the way. I hate knowing that I supplied minors with alcohol and if they happen to get in trouble that could one day come back to me. Of course she's going to be mad. But I'm upset with the position she's putting me in by even asking. So until we talk face to face, I will continue to ignore her phone calls and text messages and pretend i'm either asleep, not home, or phone is on silent, or even all three.

Halloween

So I went to a Halloween party this weekend and became even more depressed about my life. The fact that I felt entirely over dressed in a short dress and fishnet stockings should clue you in on some of the scantily attired people. I seriously was amazed at some of the underwear people decided to use as Halloween costumes. The more I thought about it, the madder I became.
Not going to lie part of me was jealous. Never in a million years could I wear an outfit like that. I like food too much. And I have decided I am tired of apologizing for it. I really do not mean to pull out a soap box and start ranting, but yeah here it comes.
A big F U to our society that puts up these bill boards of size zero models. Ralph Lauren you should be ashamed of yourself for firing an overweight size four model. That is not realistic. Some of us have big girl genetics! The average size in America is a size twelve, so stop making me feel like I should be holed up in a dark place till I can come out a size two.
The message should be happy and healthy. Not constantly dieting and making myself and everyone around me miserable. So to all my non zero sized ladies pass me a tasty cake and a beer.

the woes of internet dating

So I am a woman of a certain age who is basically the only single girl in my group of friends. Most everyone else is married, engaged or seriously dating someone. I have previously paid for 2 different dating sites and didn't really get anywhere. I was rejected by normal guys almost daily, had less than desirable candidates try to woo me and was stood up 3 times.
Fast Forward about 2 years... I am still single, with pretty much no game. I join a free dating site and make sure that my pictures are fun and cute. I try to sell myself the best I can and post my profile. (I, for the record, think that I am a decent catch).
The emails/ contacts that I have received have really made me rethink this whole thing. And manners have taught me that I cannot exactly respond to these contact the way I really want to. SO... here is how I would, if I had the balls.

To HotGuy8151949: Ok, I know your profile says you are only 50 (like that is acceptable) and that my age limit is 35, I know that you are really 60 and therefore, I could NEVER date someone that is old enough to be my dad and I do not care that you had a dream in which I was the perfect mate for you. YOU ARE OLD.

To BMoreishotforyou: I don't care that even though you don't have "baby mama drama," the fact that you have more than 1 child with more than one mother at the age of 25 makes me think that you are not really the most responsible person. I don't need any kids right now, and I know this is terrible but, if you ask me "How you doin? You fine. How'z about we meet?" I am going to turn you down just for your grammer. I am not opposed to small mistakes in grammer, but blatant disregard for basic verbs, does immediately get a delete from my inbox.

To every shirtless guy who messages me: I do not want to see topless pictures of you, and this will not convince me to show you mine.

To the normalish guys who get my real email: STOP TURING INTO PERVS 2 seconds after you get my real email. I do not want to be your facebook friend before I've ever met you. I do not want to set up a time to come and give you an erotic massage (my profile clearly states I am looking for a relationship, not a f*ck buddy.) I will also not tell you that I want to lick you, have a 3-some or go to your ex-girlfriend (who is 400lbs.) wedding to show that you can get a skinnier date.

Where have all the good guys gone?!

textsfromlastnight.com

So textsfromlastnight.com has been my newest obsession. I knew about it and checked it out awhile ago but now I'm checking it every day. Here are some of my favs:

WARNING: May not be suitable for younger viewers

(856): you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

(201): Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.

(419): dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"

(631): After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
(1-631): that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her

(845): u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap

(407): You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.

(501): i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

(937): you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.

(425): Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap

(516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

(917): well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'

(609): I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

(124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

(917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

(978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

(423): today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married

(570): can you come get me at the bar
(301): ill be there in 10 min
(570): can we stop off at build a bear on the way home

(978): Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.

(937): i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus

(973): gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.

(817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

(401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.

(307): If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...


(519): Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.

(406): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

(803): Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.

(616): i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.


(650): dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
(805): 1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.

(1-415): What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
(415): Irish Spring?

(386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

(361): What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
(1-361): These are the tickets we got last night.
(361): Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
(1-361): Yes...yes you did.

(862): textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
(973): that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.

(402): I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.

(718): We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun

(919): I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

(828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
(402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
(402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"

(214): Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

(641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

(321): I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.

Nostalgia

So I’ve been so bored at work that I live for textsfromlastnight.com. They’re hilarious! Well there was this one that I appreciated: (401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So that made me think of Hocus Pocus and the kid who played Max and how he was on Eerie, Indiana. Then that got be thinking about old Disney and Nickelodeon shows. Then that led to snick, and TGIF and all the wonderful shows of the 90’s. Therefore to pass my time at work I have compiled a list of old 90’s shows that I loved. Hope this entertains you/brings back some good memories.

Addams Family
Adventures in Wonderland
Ahhh! Real Monsters
All That
Animaniacs
Are you Afraid of the Dark?
Baby Sitter's Club
Bobby’s World
Boy Meets World
Breaker High
Bug Juice
California Dreams
Clarissa Explains it All
Cosby Show
Cryptkeeper
Daria
Dawsons
Dinosaurs
Double Dare
Doug
Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman
Eerie, Indiana
Family Matters
Flash Forward
Fraggle Rock
Freaks and Geeks
Full House
Gullah Gullah Island
Gummi Bears
Guts
Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper
Hey Dude!
Home Improvement
Honey, I shrunk the kids
Kids INC.
Land of the Lost
Legends of the Hidden Temple
Muppet Babies
My Little Pony
My So Called Life
Pepper Ann
Perfect Strangers
Pete and Pete
Pinky and the Brain
Popples
Recess
Relic Hunter
Road to Avonlea
Rocko's Modern Life
Roseanne,
Rugrats
Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Salute Your Shorts
Saved By the Bell
Secret World of Alex Mack
Sister, Sister
Smurfs
So Weird
Step By Step
Sweet Valley High
The New MMC
Tiny Toons
TMNT
The Torkelson's
Ureka's Castle
What Would You Do?
Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Winnie the Pooh
Young American

The balloon boy rap

When the balloon boy was really popular (well kinda still is) a girl posted the first line as her status in facebook. Her friends then commented on the status adding a line each to finish the rap. It's sung to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song. So creative. I hope it brightens your day:

And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there and I’ll tell you how I took off in a balloon filled with hot air
In eastern Colorado born and raised chasin’ tornadoes is how I spent most of my days. Chillin’ in a basket, laxin all cool, and shootin some helium out by the pool. When a couple of winds who were up to no good started pushing me out my neighborhood. I took on little flight and my mom got scared. She said you’re moving with your new mom from Wife Swap in a balloon filled with hot aire. I fell out of a box and won’t turn 7 or 8 and I yelled to the balloon, “going don, smell ya later!” They google Earth’d me on Wolf Blitzer, I was finally there. Safe in my home, known as the prince of hot air.

Co-Worker Nightmare

So I'm sure everyone has that one co-worker. The one who brown-noses, listens to every conversation, is very condescending, and is just a plain bitch/asshole. NO? Well I do. MY GOD do I. When I first started I could tell right off the bat that I wasn't going to like her. I just didn't know the extent. Now 7 months later, every day is a struggle for me. All the irritations range from her giving me things that she should be doing not me (and she's not even my boss) to her over hearing conversations that I'm having with another co-worker and giving her two cents. She always has to be right about everything, fighting me tooth for nail on every point. Every day she does NOTHING but feels she has the right to rat on other people for "not doing their job" (even though they are). It's gotten to the point where even her appearance and how she looks is getting under my skin. From her turned up nose to her plastic looking skin to even her nubby fingers, which REALLY freaks me out. I don't know how much more of this woman I can take. It's gotten to the point where I come home every night and vent about the Nancy-isms that happened that day and during the night I'm plotting her murder in my dreams. I love the people I work with but it's because of her that I need to get out. I don't think I can take any more. I feel as though one day I'm just going to blow up. I hope it doesn't come to that point. But as for now, I bite my tongue and try to look forward to the weekend. :/

Dating woes

When it comes to dating I've only had one real date. Well, I guess now two. Neither one has gone past the second date. Which I really don't mind. But as you can tell I really need more experience. I'm 25 years old and have never really had a boyfriend. Just a little background info for you. Now for the second 1st date I've ever been on. I met this guy from eHarmony. Trying to get out of my shell and meet new people. We seemed to have a lot in common and I was really happy until..... Yup there's always a but in these types of situations. There were two main strikes against him before we even met. The first was something that happened 7 years before. He hooked up with a new friend of mine (small world huh?) and apparently some bad things happened. I won't go into detail but pretty creepy/shocking stuff. The second was he was into Star Wars. When I say into Star Wars, I mean he dresses up and takes Jedi classes, obsessed. The second creeped me out a bit but I figured I would give him a chance. So we went to the movies.... to see a animated movie.... in 3D. Did I mention he's almost 30? Yea, I felt like I was with a 12 year old. There's nothing wrong with 3D animation movies or Star Wars but you would think being almost 30 he would kinda grow out of those things. Nope. Anyways the movie was really funny, the talking was kinda awkward but that date was ok. Then comes the walking to the car. Apparently I parked directly behind him without even knowing it. OUT OF ALL THE SPACES, I chose the one behind him. Weird huh? Well it get's a little weirder. We stood and talked and of course Star Wars comes up. He reaches in his car and pulls out his light saber (no that's not an induendo for something else) but a real light saber. Where it lights up and makes noises. One that he actually fights with in his Jedi class. Apprently they're called live action players and fight at these conventions. As you can tell this was the end of the date for me. How come I can never attract the normal guys? Always the weird ones. What's wrong with me... Oh well. I guess that must say alot about me as well.
....Until next time....

Are you there Karma, it's me Pissed Off

Most of you know my current professional predicament. For those of you that don't I can quickly enlighten you on the situtation.
*Note* In the tradition of being professional, I will leave out all names of individuals and places involved.

I work at a college in the athletics department, I'm going on five years now. I was recently passed up for a higher administration position even though I have my Master's degree and have been doing the job already (and receiving excellent job reviews every year!). To add insult to injury I am an alum of the institution and have more education than my boss who made that choice and I had to give up my office for the new person. Now I have a desk right near my boss' office.

So I ask you Karma, when will I get my day?? Or better yet, can you rear your fateful head to my boss who def deserves to get hers????

I'll be waiting.

Nyc prep season finale was Tuesday. And of course I watched. Sebastian wants to help with the wells in Africa...moving on. Pc and Taylor are talking, she is full of shit, he is creepy for wanting to be friends with a 15 year old (he is 18). She figures out that he wanted to help her as a project which is probably why she didn't go to the party...hmmmm.
Kelli and Sebastian should just sleep together and get it over with. Anyway, her singing career is taking off, she does have a nice voice but I am guessing doing this show might not help her career, or perhaps it will. He wants her to sing for the benefit, stayed tuned.
Jessie looks like some sort of animal, I can't think of which one, maybe a possum? Anyway she is at a photoshoot for some reason...

She starts yelling at him for going out all the time. She feels responsible for him, confusing since they ARE not dating. Even with all the makeup she still looks terrible. The male model is nothing great and together they make an awkward pair, almost as awkward as PC and Taylor...almost. Apparently only girls were invited to this benefit. Camille you are a bitch. Kelli sings.
Jessie is having a dinner party with seniors from her school. Why do they all look older than me? Pc hasn't picked a college, keep in mind his family is rich as hell and he can probably buy into any school. Also, according to reports he wants to move to LA and become an actor, which is why he did this show so he probably won't be going to college. Jessie is an idiot. I like Kat...

She seems just as annoyed by Jessie as the rest of America. Jessie leaves her OWN dinner party. What would Emily Post say to that Jessie?? PC and Jessie meet, he is mad that she is acting like his mother, she is playing dead like the possum she is. He thinks they fight because they care. In her interview she says PC is right, and that ladies and gentleman is the first time she has said that all season.
Taylor why are you on this show? And why do these prep school kids want to be friends with you? Camille almost compliments someone, excuse me while I pick my jaw up from the ground.
Taylor shoots down Camille in a Taylor way, like she doesn't know she is doing it, but still enjoys it.
Sebastian is his father's people.

Camille is late and Jessie is "super busy". Camille has no drive for this Operation Smile. Jessie gave her information and she didn't follow up on it. Camille thinks Jessie should have followed up. She is wrong and Jessie is annoying mentioning babysitting PC again...who cares and what does that have to do with Operation Smile?
The event kicks off and Camille is still pissed. She is totally wrong with this and Kelli agrees that Camille is an idiot. Camille doesn't care about the charity, she cares about being able to put it on her transcript. She goes to talk to the managers of Operation Smile and talks shit on Jessie. The managers seem to ignore that and think she should start a club at her school and Camille thinks she is brillant for approaching them.

That does it, I think Camille is the devil. The event ties everything together and in the end the kids talk about what they are planning. PC seems like he is becoming less of an ass, but I am sure that was just bc he will no longer be on the show. Jessie is a bitch. Camille is more of a bitch, and is being setup by Bravo as the new Jessie...GREAT. Sebastian is a walking STD. Taylor doesn't know what year it is. kelli thinks she is the next Kelly Clarkson. Jessie and PC will be on different coasts and they are now adults since they graduated. That is the last we will see of Jessie aka my eyes are too close together and PC aka I wear eyeliner. Till next season!!!

Dear Kristen Stewart,
Where do I begin? I loved you in Panic Room. I thought you would grow up to be an amazing actress. Now that you have grown up? You maybe a good actress but it is overshadowed by your awkwardness. It has become so unbearable that I become awkward/embarrassed watching you. From your scenes in Adventureland or even some in Twilight to your interviews and acceptance speeches. It's come to the point where when I watch you on tv I cannot stand it anymore and have to turn you off. The piece d'resitance had to be your acceptance speech on one of MTV's award shows. You gave one of your awkward speeches and fumbled your award where if bounced across stage. If this doesn't sum you up, I don't know what does. Given you regret signing up for Twilight and hate all the attention it brings, please use the money for good and get a life coach, or someone to guide you through this horrible stage in your life. Interviews shouldn't be that horrible. Or maybe use your acting for good and act like you want to be in front of the camera and like people. Or how else will you make it through life as an actor. Please don't ruin the twilight series for me and every other girl out there. We're counting on you!

Watched Jon & Kate Plus 8 last night and actually was not annoyed by Kate. For a second I thought to myself, Jon is a fool for leaving her and dating girls that are in their 20s. Then a rerun followed the new episode and Jon's choice was clear...kudos.

Observation: is it just me or did Rob Pattinson peak in Harry Potter (looks and acting ability).

So last night, out of sheer boredom and reliving my high school years, I decided to watch the Teen Choice Awards. The Jonas Brothers were hosts for the night, which considering I may or may not have a little unrequited crush on Nick, I somewhat enjoyed. I mean seriously if I had that complection @ 16 (or now) life would have been easier. I digress. The show opened with them performing Much Better and then jumped right into the awards. I don't remember who won what because they have the most ridiculous award categories in the free world. Suffice it to say that Zac Efron looked delicious, as did Ed Westwick. Dane Cook came out and mentioned something about Vanessa Hudgens nude pics 2.0 and how she needs to keep her clothes on, but it was cut out of the final broadcast. I am sure her mother is telling her this on a daily basis, but really V, why the need to send naked pics to people? That is so not Gabrielle and def not Disney. You are walking on thin ice my friend and hurting your cameo in HSM4. Speaking of making bad decisions, let's jump to Miley Cyrus. Now Miles, I know your father ok'ed near naked pics of you in Vanity Fair while sitting on his lap, or something equally disturbing, but that doesn't mean we have to turn slut on national television. The pole on the ice cream cart was almost as unnecessary as your booty shorts and 45 bracelets during the performance. Apparently she won like 5 awards for hannah montana the movie, the show, and the soundtrack, and after the song thanked the fans and her father and lord jesus (one in the same, not Billy Ray). Now M, I'm not a hugely religious person but I do think that WWJD probably doesn't include the pics, stripper pole, and outfits you wear. You are in a great position to be a role model so start acting like it. Hannah came back to give the Ultimate Choice Award to Britney Spears for all she has done (in the 90s). Montana preceded to say that Britney was 'her hero' (that explains it) and out comes Britney. Now what I found fantastic was that Brit took the surfboard and ignored Miley's life. Brit never seemed too comfortable in front of crowds, but here she was downright spasitic and couldn't wait to get off stage, even as the crowd was chanting her name (I kid you not). O and Brits, please buy a brush or at the very least brush your wigs before a tv appearance. After the speech, she ignores 'X-tina 2.0' again, priceless. That will def be in her E! True Hollywood Story. Awesome. I feel bad for the youth of America these days, bc of Miley and the horrible music of this generation. I have to say though, they do have their Mandy Moores of this era in Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez, so hopefully those girls stay sane and make good choices throughout their careers. The show closed with the ring bearing JoBros performing their new single. I am just going to say this, anyone who dated Miley Cyrus is prob not that pure anymore. Till the Emmys...

Shark Week

Shark week comes once a year. And as much as I fear sharks, I am just as fascinated by them. In the past few years it hasn't been as good because of the Discovery channel's need to incorporate their shows (i.e. Dirty Jobs, and Myth Breakers) into the week. But every year there are a few of the shows that stand out. Sharkbite Summer was the most interesting. It told of the attacks during the summer of 2001. Most of us probably remember the craziness that followed. Between july and september the media ate the stories up. In the end there were no more attacks then in years past. The last attack told happened on September 3, 2001 and 8 days later no one cared about sharks. Most of these attacks happened in water waist deep or less. And with that knowledge... I will never enter the ocean again. The other great hour talked on the shark attacks on the Jersey coast during the summer of 1916. Within days and only miles apart 4 people were attacked. Prior to this summer no one believed sharks, or any creature in the ocean, attacked people. And certainly no one had the power to kill a full grown man. One attack happened in the ocean. The three others? In a river. Did I mention I am NEVER entering any body of water that isn't a pool? This summer forced researchers to take a different look at sharks and people to never enter the ocean withough knowing something cold easily kill them. We now know that bull sharks can survive in fresh water and because of this many think that this shark was the attacker.

Shark week ended on Sunday and 60 minutes caught my attention with a piece on feeding sharks. This segment talked of great whites in south africa and the tour boats that chum the water so tourists get their money's worth. The tour operators think this is no big deal, the surgers think it raises the attacks on humans. In fact on that beach alone their have been six shark attacks in the last year, 4 were fatal. Their argument is that sharks associate people with food and that no other wild animal can be fed by humans, why is it ok to attrack great whites? The other thing happening in this region? Shark fin hunting. Boats the size of oil tankers go out and catch sharks to cut off their fins for shark soup. I will spare you the graphic images... Just know that I cried. Seemed a fitting end to Shark week. I start on Sunday watching programs on shark attacks and watch victims tell their stories of fear and suffering. Then watch victim's relatives tell of their loss, and end the week crying because of the sufferig and fear of the sharks themselves. How fitting. Until next year! That is assumming this blog is still active.

Ok, I know stripping, a Playboy spread, and drugs are in Miley Cyrus's future, but perhaps the pole she was grinding on the ice cream cart @ The Teen Choice Awards was a little premature and inappropriate.

I have to wonder if Paula Abdul is really leaving American Idol or if this is just a stunt. Assuming she is leaving, I will miss her. No one will be there to comment on one's 'beautiful soul'. that apparently is obvious through one song. I'll also miss her comments about an outfit or her old school critiques of "touchdown" (I'm sure Kelly Clarkson still thinks that when she nails a concert). I'll cherish when she precedes to comment by "3 words" and then says 4. When she judges a song yet to be sung or based on rehearsal. Or my fav, when she performs her new single and they make it seem like it just happened, even go as far as to yank her from her seat, but really it was taped the day before. In conclusion, no one can boost an ego when it's undeserved like Paula and I'll miss you making me feel more coherent and knowledgeable when drunk. The real losers? This year's contestants. Good luck dawgs!

Observation: why did Lady Gaga get nominated for 9 VMAs? Unless they made new categories such as, worst dresser and artist who made one beat into an album; I'm confused.

An open letter to kristin cavallari:

Dearest Kristin,

I'm not going to lie, u grew on me in season 2 of the Beach. U were funny and bitchy in an awesome way to ur annoying friend with the oddly placed dimple. Seriously though K, bashing LC while promoting a season of a show u no doubt came crawling to and she created is a little Laguna Beach. And by that I mean high school, not awesome. Also, I am not sure ur platform of a straight to dvd van wilder movie trumps her new york times best seller. So, even though u claim Lauren has no personality and ur going to bring it to The Hills, please remember this: no one, and I mean NO ONE, cheered for you and Stephen.

NYC PREP how I hate you but can't seem to turn you off. Where to begin for this week?
Let us begin with Camille, aka, bitch. Not sure why this girl slams everyone she comes in contact with (including her friend Kelli) but not only does she slam them, she seems to enjoy it. First Sebastian; we all can agree this Leif Garret (sure I mispelled that) look-a-like can be an ass but Camille really had no right to put down his dating history. Especially considering she seems to have no dating history herself...or dating future. Then she moves on to Kelli. Newsflash Camille, Kelli has probably the same odds (9%) becoming a singer as you do getting into to your precious Harvard, Rory Gilmore you are not.
Taylor, why are you on this show? You know no one and your boyfriend is a complete waste of space. Moving on.PC, we now can confirm you wear eyeliner. I am not shocked and this discovery puts to rest my jealousy over your eyelashes. PC, please focus your last semester of high school finding out what team you play for, not trying to make 15yr old Taylor your newest project. And then after that ask yourself what Jessie actually saves you from and when these saves happened, I know I am curious. In the end this was a setup episode for next week season finale which looks damn good. PC and Jessie's scene alone will entertain me, as will replaying Jessie falling down the stairs...thats called karma my dear, lets hope Camille gets her's.

Creepy dads produce creepy kids

Working at Toys R Us can be awesome, currently I have a bet with my boss if I sell fifty bpps he will dress up as a cheerleader with pom poms, other times it can get weird. There are collectors who are very intense about their toys. I was helping one such collector locate a star wars potato head. He wanted a R2-D2 one which we did not have although her insisted there was one. As he continued on about how amazing Star Wars was and the genius that is Lucas he segwayed onto his son. Who was also involved with collecting Mr. Potato head and that this was supposed to be a gift to him. As he turned towards me he checked me out and then said I was the type of girl his son usually goes for, what that exactly ment, I don't know. He wanted to get my number to give to his son as I looked like good potential girlfriend material. As my creep-o-meter was going into the red zone I decided it was time to leave. Moral of the story, always say no to creepy dads trying to set you up with their toy collecting sons, because they have the same creepy genes.

Wrong Text

A few years ago a friend of mine, Vicki had a fight with my other friend Terri. Vicki was so fed up she decided to text our other friend Sherri about what was going on. She was writing all about what happened that day and essentially her thoughts about Terri and that time. Vicki pressed the send button...... only to realize the entire text she sent went to Terri. This is where a little luck came in. They lived together (college what do you expect). Vicki....stealthily went into Terri's room while she was in the bathroom. Vicki heard the phone ringing but couldn't see it. She followed the sound to Terri's purse. Vicki knew she shouldn't go through her purse but she couldn't let Terri see this awful text. She grabbed the purse and found the phone. She quickly erased it and left the room as fast as she could. Crisis averted.....

Moral of the story.....if you're going to send angry texts about a friend....make sure you're not actually sending it to that friend.